Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
