quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
