: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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