im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
