I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
