i may or may not be watching the land before time
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
