Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
