After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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