I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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