Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
