My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
