Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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