You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
