I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
