well I can't set my house on fire every night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
