I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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