i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
