I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
