Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
