So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
