Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
