the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
