He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
