Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
