JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
