I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
