Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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