literally had 100 drinks last night.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
then he tried to convert me to islam
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
