You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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