so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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