I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
