Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
