So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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