She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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