Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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