Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
