They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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