I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
