I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
