therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
