i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
