Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
