Too much gin, very little bucket
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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