how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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