i can't believe i had my finger in that
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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