Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
