Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
