Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
