I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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