I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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