Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize