I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
