yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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