Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
