We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
