I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
