I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
