Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
