i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
