those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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