I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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