oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
