this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
