We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
