I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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