Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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