So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
