Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
