he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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