I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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