I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Acid is not a monday night drug
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
