she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
