i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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