i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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