Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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