i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
