Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
