So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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