Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
