when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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