Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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