you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
