How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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