Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
